Understanding abuse is a very difficult thing to do when faced alone.
Through our Journey, we suffered not only at the hands of the abuser, but at the hands of two very distinct systematic abuses put in front of each and every victim who wants to be free.
12 years we struggled.
We endured hunger, homelessness, despair, fear, sadness.
We lost our home.
We took legal action for help.  We looked to the church for help.
Both places filled with landmines just waiting to swallow us up.
Both systems equally traumatizing.  Both echoing the same voices of blame.
Why did you stay? If it was that bad? Yet neither place helped in the clear path for a way out.
The halls of a church echo judgement.
The halls of a court echo you have no rights any long to protect your children.
The church enables and pacifies abusers, and blames the victims for not keeping the Family together.
The courts judges and blames the victims by placing equal blame because in their minds you made that choice to marry?
So many wrong places to step.  Attorneys, Social Services, Pastors, Police, so many players so easily manipulated into looking the other way.  To this day.  There is NO safe route for a victim of abuse and their children to divorce from an abuser.  There are no safety nets.  There is no protection for children during litigation.
 Unfortunately once we were locked into the legal arena, divorce was more than we would survive.  Financially we lost our home(s), our car, our right to live free of abuse.  We were stalked, with ten years of documentation and restraint orders, no matter how we provided a safe place like a library, or park for visitation with the other parent, they never showed.  Yet, once they filed for divorce, I was no longer allowed to be present.
 The Family Court system shows groce neglect when it comes to the protection of children in the context of Divorce.  The legal system allowed suddenly for us to be legally stalked, by his attorneys, and private investigators, suddenly I was forced into choosing whether to risk the welfare of my children or wait so we would get the money we so desperately needed to get away from him., OR risk the threats of farther abuse and/or kidnappings.
 The Family court fails to make the link between spousal abuse and child abuse, They fail to protect spouses and their children when presented with the legality of Divorce.  Divorce legally took away my God given right to protect myself and my offspring.  I suppose if we had a million dollars in our pocket the outcome could of been different?  Financially we were destroyed which left us very few options in the end to keep fighting.  The abuser was able to use the courts to abuse and terrorize us out of any kinda of settlement that would of provided for myself and my children.  Due to the lack of protection, the failure to allow both my children to be included in the restraint order that had been renewed each year for over a 10 year period, once Family court was involved none of what we went through mattered in the Divorce arena. The number one thing is control.  How better to control the actions of your spouse than threatening to harm their children.  It is such a common tactic of abusers yet Family Court and all it's players refuse to make the connection.
So much needs to be said here.  But this is all the tip of the ice burg.

For now.  I will share small exerts of our story.  Through the eyes of MAE.  Journals were kept over an 11 year span.  Decisions were made. Rather than risk the worst we did what we had to do because we were left with no alternatives.

I hope this journey we endured, and survived helps others.  You are not alone.