March 20, 2009

I am holding on Lord,  I am hoping for a miracle.  I pray you will lead me ad make me wise.  this feeling I owe everyone makes me depressed.  I feel so much judgement. Help me Lord.  search my mind and heart and soul. Have I judged them???
Let me not be the same, let me not be put to shame any longer.

Let me not be as they have treated me and my children.
Let my gifts be from a pure heart
attached to nothing but giving. I ask for wisdom God. I need your wisdom.
Wise enough to ask you first without giving thought to the judgement of others .
Watch over us Lord. Be our father, this family will be set apart because of you and you alone.

It us so dumb on my part to even want friends and expect them to understand or want to be around us considering the constant plight we face.
So I wait, hoping for a permanent way out.
I am tired of running, of moving, of not being able to make decisions based on wants instead of fears.
If I could only pray for one thing for the kids right now, it would be deliverance, deliverance from a past that will not go away,deliverance from (his) Legacy, deliverance from every evil trap he lays down for us.
Financial deliverance because so much of our freedom relies on that.
So we could rest.  So we could do what we need to do, so we could get off the third floor, so we could disappear and never be found.
I love my son. I would lay down my life for his well being, of course my daughter too.  I am going to cling to the words of Isaiah "That YOU have promised, you will save my children" that I do not have to fight anymore because you have already gone before me and won this battle.
I need help remembering that Lord. I need so much more wisdom, I need to just cling to who I am in you.
You are God, the only person who really knows my heart, who really see's the truth of every situation .
Please move swiftly Lord, like a thief, come in and turn this situation into freedom and tears of joy instead of the constant battle, the looking over our shoulders, the fears, the tears of despair we have been forced to endure.  I know it is all going to be for good Lord, that you are going to use us to save other people. But now I am tired.  I feel weak.  I have lost my strength to go on.

Please help me, to help us. To help my babies, to kept us safe and free from oppression. We do need you, without you we crumble and become weary. so swoop in with your sword and I ask that you save us, get us out for good, so fast, so swift, so over Lord that we have no doubt it was your hand that won our lives back.
Keep us healthy, I know that is most important now. Keep us focused, bring help Lord from places so unexpected. Thank you for what you have already done, thank you for what you are about to do than you for even those prayers you said no too, because it was best for us all.

I am so tired, yet I know I will go on. \Thank you for my children even those you have chosen to keep for me, even when I walk away from you Lord I know you are there looking out for us, caring me when I stop walking, picking me up when I stumble, loving me in spite of me.

200- 2010 10 years a decade of abuse
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Seriously No wonder I am tired....This year it will all be worth every struggle when you God puts an end, a finality a death to the battles we have endured.